What if I told you that kids love to have rules, that the best response to your child’s misbehavior is appreciation, and that it’s not your job to see that your kids have fun – it’s their job to see that you have fun! Does this spark your curiosity?
If so, then you are exactly the sort of parent that benefits the most from these exciting new parenting tools! This is because curiosity is one of the essential cornerstones underlying the entire methodology. Having an attitude of open-minded questioning and observation is the key that can transform your family into a happy cooperative team faster than anything else you can do.
Using curiosity, non-judgmental awareness, honest feedback and a few simple rules, you can teach your children.
The single most fundamental skill your kids need to grow up to be happy successful responsible adults and reach their fullest potential:
Studies have shown that Emotional Intelligence (often referred to as EI or sometimes EQ) is by far the single strongest indicator of future success. Children high in this type of intelligence have a much better chance at building flourishing careers and meaningful relationships – a much higher probability of leading happy fulfilling lives. The really great news is that emotional intelligence is not fixed at birth – it can be learned. The not so great news is that it must be learned, so if you’re not consciously teaching it to your kids, it’s not happening!
Exactly what does emotional intelligence look like?
How do you know if someone has it or not?
Well, it’s probably easier to illustrate what it’s not. You probably know someone who uses emotions to manipulate people to get their own way. Perhaps they play the “blame game”, use jealousy, pressure, intimidation, try to “guilt-trip” you, criticize or complain constantly, or are “full of themselves”. How does it make you feel when you’re around them? Do you trust them? Admire them? Enjoy being with them? Want your child to be like them? Of course not!
Obviously that was an exaggeration, but I’m sure you realize that everybody has some of these habits to some extent. The important thing to realize is that they really are habits… Most people are not even conscious of what they’re doing, how it affects others, and how it unavoidably sabotages their own happiness and success. In fact, if you were to point it out, they would probably be defensive and give you many reasons why they are perfectly justified in behaving exactly that way.
On the other hand, high emotional intelligence people have the ability to ‘respond’ to a situation rather than take it personally, get emotionally engaged, and react automatically. This allows you to see through the manipulative games of others and consciously choose a more appropriate response.
People with a high level of emotional intelligence are described as:
No argument here, right? These are universal values and traits that people everywhere recognize as desirable. The real problem is, how do you, as a parent, go about instilling these values in your kids?
Here’s the unfortunate and unavoidable truth.
Without intervention, childhood moods, attitudes and manipulation “games” inevitably grow into destructive unconscious habits that undermine your child’s future success as an adult.
The big question is, how do you prevent this from happening? Frankly, it’s one of the biggest challenges that you face as a parent. And it’s made much more difficult by the fact that you were probably never given the proper training or tools yourself.
It’s all too easy to get trapped in the world of emotions yourself – to take it personally when your child misbehaves, to become angry and over react. In times of stress or upset we all tend to “go on automatic” and revert to what is most deeply ingrained – how our parents raised us. It’s not a lack of trying or good intentions on your part either – if that were the case, you wouldn’t even care enough to be reading this right now.
But you are reading this, and from that I know you truly desire to bring out the best in your kids. I promise you that I can help you with that. But first, take just a second to consider this.
If you honestly “lift-the-lid” on parenting you’ll quickly see that the core issues are not how to get your kids to “clean up their room”, “do their homework” or “take out the trash”.
These are just day-to-day situations – surface symptoms. But they can easily take your focus off track. You end up spending all your time and energy nagging or “correcting” misbehavior rather than putting a system in place that will naturally “grow” the behavior you want. This is like continuously cutting off the tops of the weeds in your garden, but still hoping for flowers – without ever planting flower seeds in the first place!
The key parenting questions to ask yourself are:
- How do you balance your own needs with the needs of your children?
- How do you nurture your kids without spoiling them?
- How do you bring out the best in your child – their unique “genius” without sacrificing yourself?
- How do you raise them to be confident but not arrogant, self-reliant but still a team-player?
- How do you teach them to be responsible and respectful but keep that ‘natural child’ excitement and enthusiasm?
- How do you provide just the right mix of freedom and discipline?
- How do you show them the line between being “true to yourself” and still being considerate of others?
- How on earth do you stay sane and still have fun in the process?
Is that even possible?
Yes! It is possible… There are simple, easy to follow rules that can guide you through this parenting maze…
Over 16 years ago, I had all these same questions, the same doubts, the same hopes and dreams – just like every new parent. When I held my newborn baby in my arms, I knew I wanted to help her be the best she could possibly be, to flourish, to be a happy successful adult. But I also knew that I didn’t have a clue how to really do it!
That leads me to another question that you’re probably asking yourself by now.